SharkMan and ManShark
by OmnomnomChomp
Summary: Shark-Man and Man-Shark; the two most feared predators of the sea. And now they have their own TV show! Rated for Man-Shark's foul mouth.
1. SHARKMAN AND MANSHARK: The Opening

**SHARK-MAN AND MAN-SHARK**

_Shark-Man and Man-Shark; two of the world's most feared predators!** SHARK-MAN**; a man who looks incredibly like a shark! And **MAN-SHARK;** a man who acts like a shark! (Complete with long silky hair!)_

**MAN-SHARK**: Voi. Why am I Man-Shark? I am clearly more Man than that other shark. *glares at Shark-Man*

**SHARK-MAN**: You're just jealous I have the better name.

**MAN-SHARK**: VOI! JEALOUS? WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF A NAME LIKE "SHARK-MAN"?

**SHARK-MAN**: Because it beats "Man-Shark".

**MAN-SHARK**: VOOOOI!

_(I think you hurt his pride, Shark-Man.) AND ONTO THE OPENING WE GO!_

**_"Who lives in a Pineapple under the sea?  
><em>****_"SpongeBob SquarePants!  
><em>****_"Absorbent, Yellow, and Porous is he!  
><em>****_"SpongeBob SquarePants!  
><em>****_"If Nautical nonsense be something you wish,  
><em>****_"SpongeBob SquarePants!  
><em>****_"Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!  
><em>****_"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!  
><em>****_"SPONGEBOB...SQUAREPANTS! Arharrharr."_**

**MAN-SHARK**: VOI! WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY SONG IS THAT?

**SHARK-MAN**: It's actually kind of catchy.

**MAN-SHARK**: VOI! CHANGE THE OPENING NOW, OR I'M GOING TO CUT A NEW OPENING IN YOU!

_...Opening Two it is then!_

_**"Who lives in a Pineapple under the sea?  
><strong>_**_"Kufufufu~"_**

**MAN-SHARK**: VOOOI! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

_No actually, I'm Sirius._

**SHARK-MAN**: *to viewers* Oh don't mind Man-Shark there. He's just crabby he got the short end of the name stick. He's just sulking.

**MAN-SHARK**: VOI! SULKING? WHO'S SULKING! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SULKING AFTER—

_AHEM. AFTER MILLIONS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF YOUR TAX MONEY, we've finally perfected the opening!_

**SHARK-MAN**: Oh about time.

**MAN-SHARK**: ...Voi. This better not suck.

_*to the tune of the SpongeBob theme song*  
><em>**_"OH...Who lives in a mansion under the sea?  
><em>****_"SHARK-MAN, MAN-SHARK!  
><em>****_"Barbaric, foul-mouthed, and tacky is he!  
><em>****_"MAN-SHARK, MAN-SHARK!  
><em>****_"With a blue-skinned friend who looks like a fish,  
><em>****_"SHARK-MAN, SHARK-MAN!  
><em>****_" Don't you think they'd make a terrible dish?  
><em>****_"SHARK-MAN, MAN-SHARK! SHARK-MAN, MAN-SHARK!  
><em>****_"SHARK-MAN...MAN-SHARK! Kufufufufu~"_**

**MAN-SHARK**: VOI! THAT WAS TERRIBLE!

**SHARK-MAN**: At least we don't live in a Pineapple anymore.

**MAN-SHARK**: IT'S TERRIBLE! HOW AM I BARBARIC, FOUL-MOUTHED, AND TACKY?

**SHARK-MAN**: You're as barbaric, foul-mouthed, and tacky, as I am fish-like.

_And **SHARK-MAN** here is the epitome of "fishy'!_

**MAN-SHARK**: VOI! I'M GOING TO SLICE YOU ALL TO DEATH! I'M MORE MAN THAN THAT SHARK!

_Which is why you're **MAN-SHARK!**_

**SHARK-MAN**: I don't think he's too happy about that. *inching away from **MAN-SHARK** and his swinging sword of doom* I think we should leave now.

**MAN-SHARK**: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL AND FEED YOU TO RAIN SHARK!

_Uh...WHAT'S THAT I HEAR? AN ICE CREAM TRUCK? OH, WELL THEN, BYE! THE COMMERCIALS ARE ON! SEE YOU AFTER THE BREAK!_

**MAN-SHARK**: VOOI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! *chases after Narrator*


	2. SHARKMAN AND MANSHARK: Episode One

**Shark-Man and Man-Shark**

**Episode One: The Tuna**

_Bikini Bottom—_

**Shark-Man**: No.

_The Varia Mansion—_

**Shark-Man**: Nope.

_Mukuro's Pineapple?_

**Man-Shark**: VOI! GET ON WITH IT!

_Fine. One fine day in the sea, Shark-Man and his pet Man-Shark—_

**Man-Shar**k: VOI! Do you have a death wish?!

_No. Just let me get on with the story. One day, Shark-Man and Man-Shark were swimming around in the ocean when suddenly, a villain appeared! (Or hero, because both Man-Shark and Shark-Man here are villains themselves.)_

**Man-Shark**: Voi. Already?

**Shark-Man**: Heh, not that it matters.

_*Ignoring* IT WAS THEIR ENEMY! THE TUNA (fish)!_

**Tuna Fish**: Hiie! S-squalo!

**Man-Shark**: *twitch* Voi. This is the best you can do? *swings sword to point at Tsuna* THIS BRAT?!

**Tuna Fish**: *cowering in corner*

**Shark-Man**: Yeah, he looks a bit...untrained.

_Due to excessive demands for a better opening by SOMEONE, we didn't have enough funds for a better opponent. Besides, I have calculated our budget and costs, and this turned out to be the deal that was the right choice for us—which is the cheapest. Watch._

**?**: JUUDAIME! OCTOPUS-BOY, YOUR RIGHT-HAND MAN, IS HERE TO SAVE YOU!

_Just as Shark-Man and Man-Shark were about to beat the Tuna, another hero...fan boy thing...joined the fray! It was the infamous...OCTOPUS-HEAD. Boy. Thing._

**Shark-Man**: ...This was the "deal" you got?

_A two-for-one deal at 40% off. Fit quite snugly with our budget. Please be reminded that we do not have enough funds because of a certain SOMEONE demanding for a better opening._

**Man-Shark**: VOI! YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I'M NOT SLAUGHTERING YOU FOR THE CRAPPY OPENING! THE "BETTER" OPENING IS JUST AS CRAPPY!

**Shark-Man**: It's catchy though. *starts singing* "OH...Who lives in a mansion under the sea?..."

_See? That's the spirit. I knew there was a reason Shark-Man's name comes before Man-Shark's in the title._

**Tuna**: ...Is she playing favourites?

_I'll have you know I am not "playing favorites". Why would I play favorites? I'm just the narrator._

**Man-Shark**: And you're doing a pretty crappy job of "Narrating".

**Octopus-Boy**: FOR HARMING THE JUUDAIME, TAKE THIS! Rocket Bombs! *throws bombs*

_Alas, poor Octopus-Boy forgot that normal bombs can't explode under water. So the bombs just bounce harmlessly off the forehead of Shark-Man, and the thick cranium of Man-Shark._

**Man-Shark**: VOI! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

**Shark-Man**: Our turn. *unwraps sword*

**Tuna**: Hiie! *panic attack mode initiated*

**Octopus-Boy**: Damn!

_Shark-Man and Man-Shark are ready to attack, poised on the edge of pouncing, muscles tense. ...And that was when everyone realized that they had forgotten their oxygen tanks, and couldn't breathe underwater. Except Shark-Man. Because he has gills._

**Shark-Man**: They've saved my life more than once, I'll admit.

**Tuna**: Hiie! *choking*

**Octopus-Boy**: Hglub! Blubluglubluglub!

_Octopus-Boy Translator activated. Translation: "Juudaime! I'll save you!"_

**Man-Shark**: *choking* VO—glubluglub!

_We'll be right back after the commercial break._


	3. SHARKMAN AND MANSHARK: Vinney Edition

SHARK MAN AND MAN SHARK

**"OH...Who lives in a mansion under the sea?  
>"SHARK-MAN, MAN-SHARK!<br>"Barbaric, foul-mouthed, and tacky is he!  
>"MAN-SHARK, MAN-SHARK!<br>"With a blue-skinned friend who looks like a fish,  
>"SHARK-MAN, SHARK-MAN!<br>" Don't you think they'd make a terrible dish?  
>"SHARK-MAN, MAN-SHARK! SHARK-MAN, MAN-SHARK!<br>"SHARK-MAN...MAN-SHARK! Kufufufufu~"**

_Hi people, I'm a new narrator.. for now.. Can I use smiley faces? LOL Oh good. I can :D  
>Hi people! My name's Vinney and I'm with derp. Welcome to SMMS, I just read the first chapter and will try my best to be a good narrator o3o. <em>

**Shark-Man: ** Huh? Another narrator? I thought we were low on money?

**Man-Shark**: Somebody finally replaced that fucking narrator. About time.

*somewhere, a certain narrator sneezed and blew up a continent*

_What the.. Oh okay. I see how it works. I mean umh.. Wow. Hi SMMS! Nice to meet you two. So.. Why exactly are you low on money again? I forgot.. After reading the first chapter literally less than half an hour ago.. I'm so smrt._

*Smart.

**Shark-Man: **Oh, I guess she's not gone then.

**Man-Shark: **Fuck.

WHERE'S THE CENSORING ON THIS THING?! *slaps Man-shark's mouth shut with duct tape*

**Man-Shark: ***MUFFLED* ERMMMMMGMA!

**Shark-Man: **We are broke, because we spent all of our budget money on the Opening song.

Umh… This feels awkward.. So.. I heardz u liekz mudkip? By the way, opening song full lyrics plox. Spend your remaining money on a full song :D.

I think we might!

**Shark-Man: **This is going to be a terrible idea next morning.

**Man-Shark: ** ^U& %&%O& & %!^&*6%!

Not as terrible an idea as going drinking and selling Man-Shark to the aquarium!

_Eh… Well.. Go sing it and post it on YouTube! You'll make money off of that in a few years after you turn a partner :D._

Say what?! Which one of us is going to do the singing? Man-shark's voice is about as beautiful as-

_Of course you are going to sing! :D. You have a great voice for singing, as I've heard you before on YouTube :3._

….That was three years ago-

_Who cares, your voice is bound to have grown in those three years! Besides, if you don't people to see you sing you can always just put up a big troll face instead of your actual face 8D._

…

**Shark-Man: **I agree with Vinney here.

Traitor. BUT MAN-SHARK'S ON MY SIDE, RIGHT?

**Man-Shark: ***finally gets duct tape off* VOI! FUCK NO.

Traitors, the lot of you! I should bake you into a fish pastry. Make you in a Rabbi-veni-turducken-ig. For those of you who don't know, that's a rabbit in a deer in a turkey in a duck in a chicken in a pig. Deep-fried. In gravy. Beef gravy.

… _What the… hell? What is THAT?! Eek a fly is on my arm. Okay it's gone now. All's fine. I realize I'm derping up this fic so much. So yay for me! :D Oh and I would like to ask SMMS both something._

**Shark-Man: **Sure, go ahead.

**Man-Shark: **Fuck no.

…

**Shark-Man: **….

….IGNORE HIM.

_Imagine this. You two are a Siamese twin and your brother, attached to your shoulder, finds the same gender attractive. You don't. He has a date coming over and you only have one ass. What would you do in that situation?_

**Man-Shark: **?! VOI! YOU REALLY ARE THAT *BLEEP* NARRATOR'S FRIEND!

Finally found the censor.

**Shark-Man: ***shakes his head* I always knew you swung that way, Man-shark. *pats him* It's alright.

Well it doesn't matter what they do. They're both screwed, literally.

_*Random Vinney teleports in from a slightly but not really parallel universe*  
>Vinney me : Hiya!<br>Vinney him : DUDE! QUICK! GET AWAY FROM HERE!  
>Vinney me : Woah! What's up? Why?<em>

_Vinney him : THEY ARE TRYING TO- TO!..  
>Vinney me : O-oi! Calm down! Who are trying to what?!<br>Vinney him : THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME- YOU AND FLUSH YOU DOWN A TOILET FOR THEIR OWN FUN!  
>Vinney me : W-What?! That.. is….. ehh…<br>Vinney him : QUICKLY! GET OUT OF HE-_

_*Randomly Vinney him gets teleported back into the slightly but not really parallel universe.*_

_*Looks strangely at the other 3 and slowly inches away*_

…What are you looking at? I'm just a bodiless voice. There is nothing to see.

**Vinney's adventure down the toilet, coming to a computer near you.**

**Shark-Man**: Alright-y then. That was strange.

**Man-Shark**: Voi. There were two of them.

Gee, without that stunningly clever observation, I never would have figured that out.

_Well... You guys aren't plotting anything behind my back.. right? Right guys?_

Not at all. We are most definitely not hiding a plot that may or may not involve people getting sent to a slightly parallel, but not quite, universe via toilet. That's stupid.

**Shark-Man**: That's right. Why would we be hiding anything?

**Man-Shark:** Voi, whatever you two are plotting, leave me out of it.

What?! But you're our guinea pig! I mean…shark.

_Woah! A Shark pig?! Shark Pig does whatever it wants to do 8D! Go shark pig! Go steal some money from a bank to raise your funds and this show's publicity!_

That would be a great idea! Shark-Man can do the honors.

**Shark-Man**: Gladly. *picks up Man-Shark*

**Man-Shark: **VOI! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME, TRASH!

**Shark-Man**: Now go get those funds! *tosses Man-Shark out the window*

_*Looks out of the window* Woah! He's going far! Do you think he'll be fine?_

Hmm…Well, let me think about that. We're on the twenty-first floor, so…no. I don't think he'll be alright.

**Shark-Man**: Looks like he's mighty pissed, though.

You would be too if you got thrown out of the window.

_Shouldn't you two like.. go get him? He is a part of your show after all.. o.o_

Well, he's off to raid a bank for us. He'll be fine. Besides, there's no way I'm climbing twenty-one sets of stairs. Twice.

**Shark-Man**: Didn't we have an elevator?

….Yeah, funny story. It broke, you see, and I had nothing to do with it. I swear.

_Well.. Where are we anyways? Why are we on the 21st floor of.. whatever this place is?_

Yeah, where are we?

**Shark-Man**: I don't know; you were the one who went looking for a place we could stay.

For a cheap price.

**Shark-Man**: That explains why the twenty-first floor only has this one room. *sigh*

…Hey.

Herp der

p

_That author sure is very smart with her choice of words. Anyways, doesn't the highest floor always cost more than closer to the ground?_

Well, ya see, this floor used to be the attic, so there's no insulation. Or plumbing. We piss on the people outside.

**Shark-Man**: Actually, we just use the one downstairs…

_Downstairs? All the way down at the first floor? So we have to walk down from the 21st floor to the 1st floor when we need to use the toilet? Isn't that a bit… difficult? Especially if it's already occupied by someone else since it's a public bathroom?_

Oh no, the first floor is too difficult. There are twenty one floors here, and twenty of them all have bathrooms. We'll just barge into random people's houses to use their bathroom. I like the one on the eighteenth floor. It's always clean, but you really need to time your visits to when the…person living there is not present. He's kind of scary.

**Shark-Man: **I prefer the one on the twentieth floor. It's much closer, y'know.

_Random people's houses? There are houses in this building? Are we in a gigantic skyscraper mansion?! Where the heck are we?!_

Actually, this is a…whatchamacallit. I don't even know. I think the people work here. We're the only ones actually living here, I think.

… _We're the only ones living here..? *Inches away from Author* Did you… What did you do to get us this shelter place thing? *Shivers away in a corner*_

*pats Vinney* Oh, Vinney, always being dramatic.

**Shark-Man**: Well I am curious about how you got us this place. *looks around* Nobody's been around to ask us for our rent yet.

*mutters* That's because they thought I was a ghost.

**Shark-Man**: What?

Nothing.

_Oh. I hear footsteps. Go check who that is. It might be Man-Shark back with the money?_

…

**Shark-Man**: That fast? *goes to open the door*

*Follows Shark-Man and looks over his left shoulder*

***door creaks open***

**Man outside**: SPIRITS BEGONE! GO BACK TO THE PLA- (╯°Д°）╯ *sees Shark-Man staring* E-eep!

…The hell? They sent us an exorcist?

_YOUR BLOOD FOR THE GUEST! *Throws Shark-Man while vacuuming the bodiless voice with the ghost buster's vacuum and shoots it at the exorcist*_

**Shark-Man**: Ow…that wasn't very nice. *sits on exorcist and glares at Vinney* Both of you.

**Exorcist**: *starts foaming at the mouth* Sh-shark….monster….

Well, how are we going to get rid of the body?

**Shark-Man**: He's not dead.

Yet.

_So do you two think Man-Shark actually went off to get the money? He might be just enjoying his freedom from you two. Most definitely. I'm sure of it. Very sure. Dangit I want to swap places._

Aw, well aren't you such a wonderful lovely friend –

_I am just a second voice here to derp up the story to hopefully make people enjoy it more. I am not your friend, nor will I be your enemy. I am just an embodiment of a voice and body in one slightly parallel universe._

…Well. With that said, I don't think Man-Shark's robbing a bank for us. He's probably getting his subordinates together to come back and beat the brains out of us, haha.

**Shark-Man**: I don't find that funny.

Yeah well…neither do I.

_No problem! We'll throw Author towards the horny horde and her BF will come in shining lord knight armor and save her, which saves us too in the process!_

…

**Shark-Man: **… I like that idea.

_So.. Let's get ready to sacrifice Author and get a safe place to fall back to should it fail._

…You do that, and I will brain you with this exorcist.

**Shark-Man**: Well that's mean. For us, not the exorcist.

_But we are only thinking about your wellbeing! *Plots something with SM and whispers evil things to him*_

...I don't like the looks of that. What are you two clowns doing?

**Shark-Man**: Last I checked, I wasn't a clown.

_Same here! I'm not wearing any clown outfit. They're scary! They go to little children in the hospital- At their weakest point! You have to watch out for them!_

…

**Shark-Man**: …You know…Vinney never stops surprising me.

***stomping is heard coming up the stairs***

Eh?

_UNTIL NEXT TIME EVERYBODY! *Throws Author out of the door onto the stomping*_

_STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS TO AUTHOR!_

_**epilogue**  
><em>

VINNEY YOU QUACK!


End file.
